We need someone to understand what we’re feeling
The situation in Syria was horrible. The regime has been in power for 30 years and I remember my dad always being afraid because you can’t say anything against the tyranny of the regime.
I was born in Damascus and my childhood was simple but happy. There are 10 of us and my dad was always sick, so my mom was forced to work, look after us and care about our education. She tried her best and I think she did very well. To help my family, I was forced to leave school and start working. I worked with everything from clothes and metal to electric components.
My family are all against the regime, but my brothers were always careful with what they said when speaking about the regime. I was the opposite and I always said exactly what I felt. I protested with my friends about freedom, about wanting Russia and Iran out of Syria and for our rights. I was outspoken so I was wanted by the regime.
As soon as I found out the military were looking for me, I knew I had to leave. I had to use smugglers to get me past regime forces and they took me from Damascus to Aleppo and then onto Turkey. I travelled to Turkey with my sister, but her husband lives in Europe, so she travelled to Macedonia to try to join him. I couldn’t go with her because I didn’t have enough money. I tried working in Istanbul, but I felt Turkey didn’t want Syrians and I wanted to find more prospects.
From Turkey, I had to rely on a smuggler again to take me via boat to Greece. It was a dangerous trip, but I had no choice. People in Turkey make it very difficult for refugees. They say we’re stealing their money and work and they’re racist towards us.
My experience in Greece was great, I was able to visit other cities and I wasn’t subjected to racism or bad scenarios. The people there were good to me. I kept busy while I was there, and I began learning English and helped distribute aid, clothes, and food. I tried to visit my sister a few times, but the police always sent me back. I explained that my sister was in a camp there, but they refused to let me go. Eventually, she was able to join her husband.
They’re always thinking about money and work, but as refugees we don’t just need those things, we need other things like emotional support. We want to talk to friends, but socially they don’t care about what we feel, they only see us as new workers.
I was in Greece for a year and a half before I was relocated to Germany through a joint UN and IOM programme. I hoped coming to Germany would allow me to find my way and start a new life, but it’s been very hard. There are a lot of things you need to build a new life. Germans are very practical; they don’t show their emotions. They’re always thinking about money and work, but as refugees we don’t just need those things, we need other things like emotional support. We want to talk to friends, but socially they don’t care about what we feel, they only see us as new workers.
The maximum I can do in Germany is work with machines and nothing else. I thought once I arrived in Germany I would have a great opportunity, but I didn’t find the support I thought I would. It’s been a very confusing experience. I haven’t been subjected to any direct racism, but some people’s behaviour suggests it. Once, my boss asked if we have electricity in Syria and I thought he was joking, so I answered – of course we have everything. He tried to deny it. I feel that he thinks Arabs and Muslims are backwards. I tell him that I am good with electronics and my siblings are teachers, doctors, and nurses but he doesn’t believe me.
I took a language course for 7 months and managed to get to a B1 level and I would like to study more but if I continue with the course, I will have to stop working and then I wouldn’t be earning any money. The economic situation in Syria is still very bad and I try to support my family so it’s not feasible for me. When I think about my future in Germany, I can’t say what will happen later. For now, I am a machine operator but what will happen when I’m old? My work ends like a machine, there is nothing more there. There are a lot of Syrians in Germany, but we can’t always meet because of work. We even have to work on Saturdays.
Syria isn’t safe for all Syrians. If I went back now, I would have just hours to live.
I miss everything about Damascus. I miss the streets, the food, the memories of hanging out with my friends in Hamidia Souk. I’m homesick for my city, but I can’t go back. 7 of my friends died in Syria because of the war and the regime is still looking for me. 7 months ago, the police in Syria visited my house in Damascus and asked my mother where I was. She said if they wanted to find me, they would have to go to Germany. Syria isn’t safe for all Syrians. If I went back now, I would have just hours to live.
It’s confusing being a refugee. One day you’ll feel like you’re finally coming to an end of your refugee journey, and someone will come up to you and say you’re a refugee and the feeling is renewed again. I always console myself by saying that I am here to work. I tell myself that my eyes and heart are in Syria. I want the world to know we need help, and I don’t just mean money. We need to feel and for someone to understand what we’re feeling.